The 2 Types of Lies and Why We Tell Them
“A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.” ― William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
A.J. Jacobs, an Esquire editor and NYT best-selling author, decided to live one month of complete radical honesty, which meant refraining from any lying at all. How many of us heard that honesty was the best policy? According to Jacobs’ experience, that wasn’t quite it, and he documented it in his book The Guinea Pig Diaries.
His experience was pretty polarized: some people appreciated it and the heightened level of authenticity, while others felt embarrassed or initiated conflict because of this honesty:
Jacobs wrote that if he had indeed been brutally honest about what he was thinking and feeling all the time, he would probably have “gotten beaten up, fired, and divorced.”
We’re all taught from a young age that lying is a negative thing to do, and yet we still do it.
Just like Jacobs, most people think white lies are necessary to navigate the social world. They can preserve harmony in a relationship, prevent embarrassment, and even protect us from threats. This normalization of lying can depend on culture , especially if it’s for the good of the group and relationships.
Think about the last lie you told. Maybe it was a big one: lying about a skillset to get a job. Perhaps it was a harmless white lie: complimenting your friend’s outfit when you think it’s horrible.
In 1996, a researcher asked 147 people to keep a “lie diary,” documenting the lies they told each week. A lie is something that “actually misleads, deliberately conveying a false impression.” On average, everyone lied once or twice a day. The results seem shocking until we think about what kind of lies we tell.
The 2 types of lies: beneficial and protective
We can classify lies by their motivation: beneficial or protective.
These lies can have different beneficiaries, people who reap the advantages of the lie. The beneficiaries are either yourself, someone else, or yourself and others.
Beneficial Lies: To gain a favourable outcome
You would tell these lies to pursue a favourable outcome or to gain something.
- You tell your boss you don’t mind staying late to work on an extra project, leading to a promotion.
- You tell a child that their drawing looks like a masterpiece, so they feel good.
- You falsely dispute game results, so you and your team are declared the winner.
More often than not, “white lies” often come under this classification — telling your friend their hair looks nice so they will feel good about it. Also called “kind lies,” their prominence differs among cultures.
You typically tell self-beneficial lies when you want to improve your condition, such as a work promotion or improving your social standing. Whether that’s a promotion at work. But self-beneficial lies have the most potential to harm.
People who tell substantially more self-beneficial lies than any others also tend to score higher for machiavellianism, and a highly machiavellian person is “a person so focused on their own interests they will manipulate, deceive, and exploit others to achieve their goals.” If these lies seem to come compulsively and with ease, this could lead to struggles with low self-esteem and self-control.
Protective Lies: To prevent a bad outcome
On the other hand, we tell protective lies when we want to avoid a bad outcome.
- You tell your boss that you’re late for an important meeting because your car broke down, even though it’s because you’ve overslept.
- You dispute the abuse allegations against an old friend, even if the victim has told you otherwise.
- You lie about your and your family’s opinions about a hot-button issue to preserve your safety.
You’re not looking to change the status quo with this lie. More often, you’re trying to protect or preserve your position, social standing, or safety. You might tell these lies out of fear, especially in situations of abuse.
Some research suggests that the likelihood for someone to tell a lie depends on their cultural norms. In a research study about culture, language, and lying, the psychologists believe that the South Asian and Black African participants were more likely to lie for the good of the group rather than distancing themselves like many of the Western participants did.
Final Thoughts
A particular type of lie is not inherently “bad,” but instead it’s the context in how you use them. In many cases, it’s seen as a social necessity to lie.
Lies come in two categories based on their motivation:
- to gain a positive outcome (beneficial)
- to prevent a negative outcome (protective)
We can use beneficial lies to progress our career or social desirability and protective lies to avoid blame or punishment. There are even some professions that benefit from being able to lie very well, like used-car salespeople to politicians.
Either way, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not the first, or the last person, who blames their occasional tardiness on traffic.
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